Forgive Me
by ideasofmany
Summary: What if Xena wrote a letter for Gabrielle to find after her death. This is an interpretation of what I think the letter would say.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Xena or Gabrielle.

**Warning: **This piece assumes Xena and Gabrielle were more than just friends and contains AFIN content.

**Summary:** What if Xena wrote a letter for Gabrielle to find after her death. This is an interpretation of what I think the letter would say.

Dear Gabrielle,

By the time you have read this, I have already told you that you have to let me stay dead and you have respected my wishes. I'm so sorry that I deceived you, but please understand that I had to. Something I did long ago had come back to haunt me once again. Forty thousand souls are trapped because of me. How do I ignore something like that. As much as I love and care about you, I can't ignore this. I have to stand up and be responsible for what I have caused. Long ago this wouldn't have been hard for me at all, but I know you know, that has changed. With every part of me that wants to solve this and be redeemed, there is another part of me that wants to stay here with you.

I have you to live for, but it goes against everything we believe in, if I don't free those souls. I think about how much I need you and want your happiness. I even entertained the idea of ignoring it all and pretending it never happened. I thought maybe I could just walk away from this gods forsaken island. One boot in front of the other. But then it hits me; what if you were one of those people stuck in that. I would hope with all that I am, that the person who could, would fix it. That's when I knew, I couldn't leave them there. I can't just let them never have their peace. Especially if there is something I can do to release them. You have to believe me that I don't want to do this. Nothing would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life with you. For us to grow old and happy together, but we both know that I had to do it. Not even for my redemption, but because it is the right thing to do. Believe me, I've tried my best to find a way to release them without having to die, but there isn't another way, otherwise you would not be here reading this letter.

As I watch you sleeping, while I write this letter(the one time I am glad that you are a heavy sleeper); I wish that I had never returned here. I am wishing I never learned of what had happened. I should wake you and tell you everything. The truth is I can't. I know you. You'll make it hard for me to go through with this. You'll say to me, "Xena let's walk away from this!" and I would. I would follow you to the ends of the earth and forsake those souls if you asked me to. But we both know, you will tell me that you will go with me and we will see this through together. We can't see this through together. I've told you once before; you will always be above the greater good for me. I could never let you die and be trapped by Yodoshi, in the event that I fail, or we fail. I can't risk telling you my intentions and have that happen. This is the greater good, as much as it pains me to say it, I have to say goodbye. I must do this alone.

I've hurt you so much over these years that we have been together. I'm sorry for it all, especially this. If it will help you, I hope you hate me for a long time. A time enough to move on with your life. I hope you can get everything that you weren't able to have and enjoy because of our lifestyle. Even though I won't be there to enjoy it with you, I am happy to know that it is possible. If you do find someone that makes you happy, know that I would want you be with them. Be happy. Live your life because you make such a big difference and are always changing lives where ever you go. I need you to keep being you. The strong, intelligent, beautiful, queen, friend, and love of my life. The world needs you, and you and I know this will not be the last time we see each other. I will always be in your heart. Please don't be sad for me. What you have given to me in this life has made me happier than I could have ever thought possible. Let's face it, I have always needed you more than you needed me, that is why I know you will be okay. I'll love you forever and I will wait until we can be together again. Please keep me waiting. Please forgive me eventually. Most importantly, remember that my love for you is endless.

Love,

Xena


End file.
